| Seymour's Page of Masonic Wit and Wisdom |
Friend: When did you start wearing earrings?
Mason: When my wife found it with my regalia!
Mason: When my wife found it with my regalia!
A new Mason who had just been installed an officer in his
lodge and was duly attending all the functions he could was
having a hard time with his wife who said... " All the
Worshipful Master has to do is click his fingers and you do
whatever he says, don't you?.........I wish I was a Master!"
After due thought, he said... "So do I dear..... we swap them
out for a new one every year!!"
lodge and was duly attending all the functions he could was
having a hard time with his wife who said... " All the
Worshipful Master has to do is click his fingers and you do
whatever he says, don't you?.........I wish I was a Master!"
After due thought, he said... "So do I dear..... we swap them
out for a new one every year!!"
| RW Seymour Feder, PGC |
The Penny
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts
from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you
something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the
weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the
weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars
costing more than her house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare
glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous
as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have
the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so she was enjoying
herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the
boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly,
looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground
except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette
butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure.
How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even
take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no
longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and
asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and
held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of
this?
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words "United States of
America"
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?" "No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. You see, I am a Mason
and whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United
States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me
telling me to trust Him. There was once a time when I was in like destitute condition,
when I didn’t even possess a penny! But my trust was in God. When I see a coin, I
pray, I stop to see if my trust is still in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a
response to God; that I do trust in Him. I cherish it as a memorial and lay it up in the
archives, not for it’s intrinsic worth, but for it’s meaning. I think it is God's way of
starting a conversation with me.”
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked
it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I
cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and smiled. Yes, God, I get the
message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few
months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient...
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts
from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you
something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the
weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the
weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars
costing more than her house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare
glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous
as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have
the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so she was enjoying
herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the
boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly,
looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground
except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette
butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure.
How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even
take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no
longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and
asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and
held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of
this?
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words "United States of
America"
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?" "No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. You see, I am a Mason
and whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United
States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me
telling me to trust Him. There was once a time when I was in like destitute condition,
when I didn’t even possess a penny! But my trust was in God. When I see a coin, I
pray, I stop to see if my trust is still in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a
response to God; that I do trust in Him. I cherish it as a memorial and lay it up in the
archives, not for it’s intrinsic worth, but for it’s meaning. I think it is God's way of
starting a conversation with me.”
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked
it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I
cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and smiled. Yes, God, I get the
message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few
months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient...
Actual 6th Grade Test Answers
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Desert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread made without ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have
history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March
murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped
out: “Tee Hee, Brutus”
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Desert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread made without ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have
history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March
murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped
out: “Tee Hee, Brutus”
As you may or may not know, AzureMasada was the first lodge lighted by electricity, when Thomas Alva
Edison installed his new light bulb in our lodge building. A replica of that light bulb is on exhibition
outside our lodge room.
Regarding light bulbs and Masonry, here are some questions (and answers) that have come up over the
years since then...
Edison installed his new light bulb in our lodge building. A replica of that light bulb is on exhibition
outside our lodge room.
Regarding light bulbs and Masonry, here are some questions (and answers) that have come up over the
years since then...
Question: How many Mason's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: 12 - One to screw it in, one to hold the ladder and ten to sit on the sidelines saying: "That's not
the way we did it in my day!"
Answer: 12 - One to screw it in, one to hold the ladder and ten to sit on the sidelines saying: "That's not
the way we did it in my day!"
Question: How many Masons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Three. One to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the previous light bulb replacement, and
one to sit on the sidelines and complain that this wasn't the way they USED to screw in light bulbs.
Answer: Three. One to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the previous light bulb replacement, and
one to sit on the sidelines and complain that this wasn't the way they USED to screw in light bulbs.
Question: How many Masons does it take to unscrew a light bulb?
Answer: It's a secret!
Answer: It's a secret!
Question: How many Masons does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: After much research this tricky question can now be answered. It takes 20, as follows:
2 to complain that the light doesn't work.
1 to pass the problem to either another committee, the Temple Board or the Master of the Lodge.
3 to do a study on light in the Lodge.
2 to check out the types of lights the Knights of Columbus use.
3 to argue about it.
5 to plan a fund-raising dinner to raise money for the bulb.
2 to complain that "that's not the way we did it before."
1 to borrow a ladder, donate the bulb and install it.
1 to order the brass memorial plate and have it inscribed.
Answer: After much research this tricky question can now be answered. It takes 20, as follows:
2 to complain that the light doesn't work.
1 to pass the problem to either another committee, the Temple Board or the Master of the Lodge.
3 to do a study on light in the Lodge.
2 to check out the types of lights the Knights of Columbus use.
3 to argue about it.
5 to plan a fund-raising dinner to raise money for the bulb.
2 to complain that "that's not the way we did it before."
1 to borrow a ladder, donate the bulb and install it.
1 to order the brass memorial plate and have it inscribed.
Fourteen Reasons for Attending Lodge on a Stormy Night
A Brother being met on a stormy night wading from Lodge and ridiculed for the unnecessary exposure, sent the following 14
reasons for his conduct, says the Michigan Masonic World:
1. Because the by-laws of my lodge and the character of my engagements as a Mason make no exceptions for stormy evenings.
2. Because I expect the Worshipful Master to be there I should be surprised if he were to remain away on account of the storm.
3. Because if his hands should fail through weakness, I should have great reason to blame myself, unless I sustain him by my
presence and good wishes.
4. Because by staying away I may lose the instruction which would do me great good.
5. Because my presence is more needed on those evenings when there are but few, than when the lodge is full.
6. Because whatever station I may hold in the lodge, my example must influence others. If I stay away, why not they?
7. Because on any important business, bad weather does not keep me at home.
8. Because among the crowd of pleasure seekers, I see that bad weather does not keep the delicate female from the ball, the
party, or the concert.
9. Because among other advantages, stormy evenings will show me what foundation my Masonic attachment is built. It will prove
how much I love Masonry. True love never misses an appointment.
10. Because those who absent themselves from lodge because it is too warm, too cold or too stormy, frequently absent
themselves on the fairest evenings.
11. Because an avoidable absence from the lodge is an infallible evidence of Masonic coldness.
12. Because there is a special promise that where two or three are gathered together in God's name, He will meet with them.
13. Because such yielding of surmountable difficulties prepares for yielding to those merely imaginary, until thousands never
enter the lodge, and yet think they have good reasons for such neglect.
14. Because I know not how many more evenings God may give me, and it will be poor plea for the affectionate remembrances
which I crave as a Mason, that I slighted my last Masonic - evening on earth.
An article from the Michigan Masonic World reprinted in The Builder Magazine in 1925.
One day a man goes shooting with some friends and he is given a dog for the day. He is told that it is a very
inexperienced dog, but is very willing and will do anything he is told. It's name is Entered Apprentice.
Next year, the man goes out with the same friends and asks for the same dog. He was told that the dog was
a bit older, but still was willing and would do anything he was told, but it's new name was FellowCraft.
The next year, the man again goes out with the same friends and again asks for the same dog. He was told
that the dog was a bit older, but still was willing and would do anything he was told. It's new name was
MasterMason.
The man did not go out with his friends until several years later, but when he did he inquired about the dog
that had been his companion before. "Oh, he's still here, but he's older now. We've changed his name to
Past Master."
"Why did you do that?" the man inquired.
"Because he's not a working dog any longer and all he does now is sit around on the sidelines and bark at
all the other dogs!"
inexperienced dog, but is very willing and will do anything he is told. It's name is Entered Apprentice.
Next year, the man goes out with the same friends and asks for the same dog. He was told that the dog was
a bit older, but still was willing and would do anything he was told, but it's new name was FellowCraft.
The next year, the man again goes out with the same friends and again asks for the same dog. He was told
that the dog was a bit older, but still was willing and would do anything he was told. It's new name was
MasterMason.
The man did not go out with his friends until several years later, but when he did he inquired about the dog
that had been his companion before. "Oh, he's still here, but he's older now. We've changed his name to
Past Master."
"Why did you do that?" the man inquired.
"Because he's not a working dog any longer and all he does now is sit around on the sidelines and bark at
all the other dogs!"
A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to God. The postman seeing
that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it.
It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get
his family through the next week.
The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the
unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars
from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to
deliver the following day, which he did.
Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God.
Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it
through the Knights of Columbus next time as the Masons kept half.
that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it.
It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get
his family through the next week.
The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the
unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars
from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to
deliver the following day, which he did.
Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God.
Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it
through the Knights of Columbus next time as the Masons kept half.
At a collation following an Entered Apprentice degree, the new candidate noticed it was very quiet in the
room. Suddenly, one of the old PM's stood up and quietly, but firmly cleared his throat and said "22" and
then sat down. This was met with uproarious laughter and then intense applause. Quiet then ensued for a
brief period, when another brother stood up and said, "17". Again, this was met with uproarious laughter
and wild applause. Another brief pause and then another brother stood up and quietly, but firmly said,
"56". Once again the room was filled with laughter and applause.
The new initiate tapped an older PM on his arm and asked what was going on. "Well, you see, my boy, we
are the oldest Lodge in the State and we've been at so many of these dinners and we've heard every joke
ever told. So we decided to number them and now when the members stand up they just mention the
number, everyone remembers the joke and we all have a good laugh."
"Well, can I join in?" asked the impatient EA.
"Sure - of course." said the kindly old PM. "Just wait for a break in the action and stand up."
The boy did as he was told, and when there was a pause, he stood up, cleared his throat and said in a clear
voice, "35". But this time there was no laughter and no applause and the boy sat back down dismayed at
what just happened.
The old PM feeling pity for the boy leaned over and said, "You just can't tell a joke, can you son?"
room. Suddenly, one of the old PM's stood up and quietly, but firmly cleared his throat and said "22" and
then sat down. This was met with uproarious laughter and then intense applause. Quiet then ensued for a
brief period, when another brother stood up and said, "17". Again, this was met with uproarious laughter
and wild applause. Another brief pause and then another brother stood up and quietly, but firmly said,
"56". Once again the room was filled with laughter and applause.
The new initiate tapped an older PM on his arm and asked what was going on. "Well, you see, my boy, we
are the oldest Lodge in the State and we've been at so many of these dinners and we've heard every joke
ever told. So we decided to number them and now when the members stand up they just mention the
number, everyone remembers the joke and we all have a good laugh."
"Well, can I join in?" asked the impatient EA.
"Sure - of course." said the kindly old PM. "Just wait for a break in the action and stand up."
The boy did as he was told, and when there was a pause, he stood up, cleared his throat and said in a clear
voice, "35". But this time there was no laughter and no applause and the boy sat back down dismayed at
what just happened.
The old PM feeling pity for the boy leaned over and said, "You just can't tell a joke, can you son?"
Pat & Bill had been Lodge Brothers for many years. They had promised each other that the first to go to the
Grand Lodge above would return to tell the other whether there really were Lodges in Heaven and what
they were like. By and by, it came to pass that Bill went first.
One day shortly after, Pat was working in his garden when he heard a whispered voice, " Pssst Pat!" He
looked around but saw nothing.
A few moments later he heard, now quite clearly " Pat! Its me, Bill!"
"Bill" Pat exclaimed, " Are you in Heaven?"
"Indeed I am" said Bill.
Pat paused for a while to get over the shock and then said "Well, Bill, are there Lodges up there in
Heaven?"
"There certainly are, Pat. There are Lodges all over and they are quite magnificent, equal or better to
AzureMasada!. The meetings are well attended, the ritual is word perfect, the festivities fantastic and the
spirit of Masonic Fellowship is all pervasive."
"My goodness, Bill," said Pat, "It certainly sounds very impressive but for all that you seem rather sad. Tell
me old friend, what is the matter."
"Well, Pat, you are right. I have some good news and some bad."
"OK, so what's the good news?"
"The good news is that we are doing a 3rd this coming Wednesday"
"Great" said Pat. "What's the bad news then?"
"You're the Senior Deacon!
Grand Lodge above would return to tell the other whether there really were Lodges in Heaven and what
they were like. By and by, it came to pass that Bill went first.
One day shortly after, Pat was working in his garden when he heard a whispered voice, " Pssst Pat!" He
looked around but saw nothing.
A few moments later he heard, now quite clearly " Pat! Its me, Bill!"
"Bill" Pat exclaimed, " Are you in Heaven?"
"Indeed I am" said Bill.
Pat paused for a while to get over the shock and then said "Well, Bill, are there Lodges up there in
Heaven?"
"There certainly are, Pat. There are Lodges all over and they are quite magnificent, equal or better to
AzureMasada!. The meetings are well attended, the ritual is word perfect, the festivities fantastic and the
spirit of Masonic Fellowship is all pervasive."
"My goodness, Bill," said Pat, "It certainly sounds very impressive but for all that you seem rather sad. Tell
me old friend, what is the matter."
"Well, Pat, you are right. I have some good news and some bad."
"OK, so what's the good news?"
"The good news is that we are doing a 3rd this coming Wednesday"
"Great" said Pat. "What's the bad news then?"
"You're the Senior Deacon!
We Must Stop This Immediately!
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are?
Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner
and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the
time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so
much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even
recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at
my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the
freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them
screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10
or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips,
thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually
"believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these
people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the
conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in
here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty
soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are?
Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner
and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the
time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so
much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even
recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at
my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the
freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them
screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10
or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips,
thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually
"believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these
people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the
conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in
here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty
soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.
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Azure Masada Lodge #22 F&AM
| Free and Accepted Masons of the State of New Jersey |
| 478 South Ave., Cranford, New Jersey 07016 |
| Lodge Meets: 7:30pm - 2nd and 4th Mondays |
| 908-276-9801 |